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The commuter series: “BUS EVANGELISM”

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On one of those
days I had to leave very early to school on a Monday morning, this is one of
the most confusing routines of my life, still is. It involves a burst of energy
to be up, early and sharpas it’s the first day of the week but my body would
prefer to be under the blanket till at least 9am to savour the laziness of the
weekend, this results to avery disoriented being climbing down the bed, the
spirit willing but the flesh… mehn!, even though
am a fairly ambitious, hardworking and industrious person…, my decision to be an entrepreneur or a CEO is based majorly on the
fact that I learnt that this routine continues after school.

So this particularmorning was really trying
for me, having just returned from a long exhausting basketball competition the
previous day, I needed the extra hours on the bed and to make matters worse it
rained.I can’t remember the exact miracle that drove me down that foam, outside
to fetch water and finally bathing the cold water, I think it’s the quiz that
was being rumoured to hold that morning? No, I think it’s the fact that I
already missed two of the lecturer’s quiz. 
Now, considering the state of my GPA I knew I could really use that quiz
and every other miracle in form of Continuous Assessment to at least still be
regarded as an “academic student”.
Anywaywhatever the
motivation was, it saw me get to the bus stopand mind youlike every other
average Nigerian student without wheels, I am very selective in choosing public vehicle, but I couldn’t afford
the luxury that morning so I jumped into the next available bus molue, gbagba or whatever you choose to
call it. The road was messy due to the rain that fell earlier, thus the only
comfortable person inside that bus would have been the baby sitting on the laps
of her mother beside me because she hasn’t got mud on her shoes. I was pretty
much bored with the whole activities around me, the loud conductor calling out
bus stops, the trader who kept jangling his bunch of keys to the point it
became tone to qualifyirritation , the neatly English dressed guy with a book so
large I could bet it was an aptitude test guide andoh lawd!!there is  me who shouldbe
scanninghand-out to guarantee me answering at least one question in case the
formation I planned for the quiz over the phone fell through, who model student epp?
Just when I
gradually found the balance in my brain to nap and read simultaneously, a loud
voice jolted me out of my reverie, a woman was screaming at a man who stepped
on her, the “chei” and the “eyahs” coming from the people around
her told those of us out of sight that it wasa very muddy something, and it took just about 30 seconds to assure us all
that this woman was a descendant of warriors, she would have torn that man if
he had the misfortune of still being within her range,“ wey this mumu man take match me pass o, see dirty wey full em body”,
the man shocked even the gods with his reply“I
for match you if you get body like normal person? Na me say make you be
xtraxtra large come siddon for road?”
, the way the woman first gasped then paused, I knew hell was about
to  break loose, the next six or seven
bus stops met this woman cursing not only the man now but the entire male folk
as well, the intensity of her rage never wavered and those just getting into
the bus would have thought that whatever “evil” that happened to her did so
some moments ago.Those who initially was begging her to forgive and forget gave
up easily,there was just no way they could keep up, even the driver and
conductor became abnormally quiet and polite,
everybody in that vehicle kept themselves in line , the baby beside mewas no
exception and if not that the woman was shouting you wouldn’t have believed
that this level of tranquillity would be evident in a public transport in
Yours sincerely at no time made any sound
whether in sympathy to the lioness or in defence of the male pride this woman
was rubbishing, I didn’t think it was my business, my plate is very full as it
is. The man who caused this brouhaha at some time alightedbut most of us didn’t
notice and the woman didn’t care, truth is nobody was sure what exactly got her
worked up, was it being stepped on? Was it what the man said? Was it herhusband?
Or her father? Or her male neighbour? Or her boss? It would be impossible to
make sense of all that she said.
My brothers and sisters, all of a sudden
this woman started sounding somewhat calm, don’t even ask me to explain, it was
as if she was gradually returning to her right mind whatever that means, I
guess this must have left a look of shock on my face  so to confirm I tried to scan the faces of
other passengers and I just had to look at the baby’s face to realise I wasn’t
the only one surprised about this new development, “this recession can make somebody lose their mind o”, she said
You would be
forgiven if you thought that was the bombshell, the next thing we heard was“Brothers and sisters in Christ, praise, praise,
praise the Lord! ”…“Halleluyah?!”,
 even the baby didn’t chorus the usual “Amen”that follows. Sad as it is, the woman kept repeating this and admonished us to
join her and give praise to God who was seeing us through the recession. The mother
of the baby beside me started the negative chain of reaction with her long loud
hiss significant with irritated African women, it was followed by longer hisses
and other angry remarks from the rest of the passengers. 
The woman now almost
tearful was still encouraging people to listen to the good news she was about
to share and not mind her whom is but an ordinary vessel. I was stricken by
this woman’s wit and didn’t remember to make my own angry comment when others
were making theirs, unfortunately for me when I did think of something wise to
say she had already returned to the Lioness mode out of anger from the
frustration she was being fed with, it was just my deep coarse voice that was
heard when I said‘’eligweburumakanka,kamugabaokummuo
, translated as (if this is the
way to heaven
, let me perish in hell), I knew it was a
mistake as soon as the words left my mouth and I had to alight from the bus and fast too, thank heavens the rear
door was open, I can’t really recount how I jumped the
mother of the baby sitting beside me or how I manoeuvred the passengers
standing, but I was on  mission to get to
school unscathed and in one piece. “keduebeanuofiaahunookamzigayaokummuoahunaaguyakita”(where is that wild animal,
let me send him to that hell he so much desires now)
was the last thing I heard as I jumped down from the moving bus,
don’t worry I didn’t fall, I had enough practice on how to do that when I was
younger. That was one bus evangelism I won’t forget in a hurry, bye now.

David C. Nnajiemere.

INSTAGRAM USERNAME=> “dinspirationalparrot”;
TWITTER HANDLE=> @DInspirationalP
FACEBOOK PAGE NAME=> The Inspirational Parrot
FACEBOOK GROUP NAME=> The Inspirational Parrot!


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